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I May Have Postpartum depression

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mythreesons
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Post by rocknrollmommy616 Sun Oct 12, 2008 12:32 am

So, this past week I have broken down in tears about a thousand times because I don't know what to when my baby cries for no reason. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep and I know that is part of it. I was in hysterics this afternoon because I had gotten such little sleep the night before and I was afraid to pick up my son to feed him because I feared I might drop him from being so weak. My mother had to rush home from visiting my grandmother in the hospital about an hour away because I had been crying so hysterically on the phone, she thought I might hurt the baby. I know I would never hurt him because I love him so much, I think that's why it kills me to hear him cry for no reason at all. But about 20 minutes ago he began to cry again and I tried to console him for five minutes and gave up. I laid him on the bed and told DF I needed to go out. I have not bought my own pack of cigarettes for almost a year now and tonight, I had to go out and buy a pack because I thought that was the only thing that would calm me down. I am so ashamed of myself that I don't even know what to do. I think I am going to have to call my doctor next week and talk to her about seeing someone about postpartum depression. I have had bouts with depression most of my life, but when I met DF I thought it was gone for good. I know its normal to be upset about getting no sleep and stuff like that, you know the baby blues. But I think it has gotten a bit out of hand in the last few days, and I'm scared it might turn into something much worse. I can't think of anything to say but that I am so utterly ashamed of myself that there are practically no words. I just wish someone would tell me I'm not alone and that I'm not a horrible mother for feeling this way. I love my child and I think he is my gift from God, but I don't know why I feel this way. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore and he's only about 3 weeks old. I'm so ashamed...

Bekah
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Post by Kim Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:35 am

There is no shame in getting post-partum depression...it happens to many women, and we all experience the baby blues in some way...the sleep deprivation has me quite teary also, my problem, I have the "help" but often refuse it as I feel like it is my burden as the Mom to take care of everything....anyway what is important is that you are recognizing that you are not feeling quite right and that it has gone beyond the baby blues...you need to talk to your Dr. for your sake and for your LO's.
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Post by Chaycethedogs Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:58 am

Bekah,

Don't feel ashamed. Your body has gone thru so many changes the last nine months. Just because you had the baby doesn't mean everything turns right back to normal....there are still many changes to come. I can only speak for myself but I know that with the sleep deprevation and hormonal changes I am a crying, nutty, ridiculous mess...this goes for both of my pregnancies/births. Baby's are tough...they can't just tell you what they want. It's like a guessing game. You'll make it thru and if your heart is telling you this is leading to something else you should definately see your doc. I applaud you for recognizing what could be symptoms of PPD and taking the steps to get help! So many try and tuck it under the rug and it's something that IS treatable and nothing to be ashamed of. It's kind of like the GD I had....there was nothing I did to cause it....I just had to follow the treatment plan and deal. You're a good mama...your baby is only 3 weeks old and you are most definately putting his needs first by stepping up!
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Post by tweetie462 Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:00 am

I agree with Kim - there's no shame in it and it's good that you are recognizing signs that something's off...do talk to your dr about it -- it might be the start of something more than just the baby blues...you are not alone and we are all here for you. {{{HUGS}}}
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Post by mythreesons Sun Oct 12, 2008 11:10 am

Bekah- Girl you are doing a wonderful job as a mom!I just want you to know that.Not everyone is cut out to be a parent,but you are...It's more than ok to put baby down someplace safe and walk away for a few minutes...It is NOT easy being a parent...Don't feel ashamed at all ok?I've been there too...With my first son, that was me...For me it helped alot to get out if the house with the baby...Even just going for a walk helped me...Talk to your doc, but just remember too that things will get better and easier!We are all here for you!

Shannon
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Post by eileen bauer Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:50 pm

Bekah, don't feel bad or ashamed girl! you are a great mom you are concerned about your baby and you are trying. No one even on their 5th baby will get everything so you are doing great! I have had bouts of depressions and that makes us more suceptable to Post Pardum depression and there is no shame is talking to your doctor or getting some kind of medication. Your hormones do a huge dump after you have the baby it takes a long time for them to get back to normal. It could be real depression or it could just be caused by the hormones and be a temporary thing. either way you do not need to suffer or feel ashamed. We are all proud of you for being so strong and having the guts to say something is not right and I need some help. I have been on antidepressents for my whole pregnancy and will go back to my original reginmine the day i have the baby to keep me from going into the post pardum derpession. It is something that we have to be responsable about and take care of both for us and our health as well as our babies. It doesn't make us a bad parent or any less of a woman or mom or less capable, it means we care and are seriouse when we take care of it wether it is with medication or whatever the doctor deceides is necessary. But please don't feel like you are less of a good mom you are great! A real trooper!
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Post by wyo_mommy Sun Oct 12, 2008 4:05 pm

Aww hang in there girlie. It's totally normal and ok. It certainly doesn't make you any less of a mommy or a person, that's for sure. You're doing wonderfully! Childbirth and parenting are such huge life changes, it's only natural to have some anxiety about it. I remember when my DD was born, I'd bawl over all kinds of things. I'd bawl because she was mine, I'd bawl because I thought I'd have to give her back, I'd bawl because she was so pretty, and when my mom had to leave when DD was 5 days old I bawled because I thought baby might spit up and I wouldn't be there to clean her up because I'd be sleeping or something. I remember that very well. I'd even bawl when *I* went to bed because I was going to miss the LO while sleeping (and I did -- terribly!)

I would highly suggest talking to your doc about antidepressants. There are all kinds you can take at this stage in the game that won't affect the baby if you're nursing. Heck, I'm even on an antidepressant as we speak and I haven't even given birth yet. It was a hellacious summer with all kinds of drama that nobody should have to go thru - so it's really been a blessing. I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with taking something that helps even out the road you're on. Good luck! Smile
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Post by Mari7779 Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:11 pm

keep strong and i was hoping this pregnancy i wouldnt go through it but of course some days better than others and my family has been very supportive. 7weeks later still stuggle emotionally but getting stronger. i also love my babies very much and i know we will all get through this ladies.
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Post by rocknrollmommy616 Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:22 pm

Maribel, I applaud you! If I'd have had twins I probably would've lost my dang mind! I'm proud of you, girl! I don't know if I could handle two of them at the same time! One is already a handful for me right now! I know you have to be such a good mom maribel, not to lose it like EVERY day lol. BTW, your little ones are sooo precious! I know its hard with twins but I wish we saw you more often. Sad
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Post by mnelson80 Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:03 pm

I'm one of the crowd too. I got PPD with my DD I took meds for a couple of months and it really helped. I just felt so overwhelmed, wasn't getting much help and on and on. I loved her so much but felt like I wasn't doing good enough. I think everyone goes through it to some extent, with the hormone dump and all. I also think those of us who are prone to depression are much more likely to expereience it.

I've heard somewhere along the way to give yourself 1 week from the on set and if your still feeling it then to go see the doc. Also I've heard a lot of Mom's say the first 6 weeks are the hardest. By that point you start to see patterns of cranky times, playful times and you have both had a chance to "read" each other.

Hang in there girl. We know your doing great!! Will doc help or without, it'll eventually fall into place and everythign will get a little bit easier. Always know we're here for the vents, joys and otherwise. Good Luck, hope you start to feel better soon.
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