so.. vent n stuff

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so.. vent n stuff

Post by jessijennings on Fri Nov 14, 2008 11:09 am

So last night I ran to the library with DH and son it was almost 8 pm so it was almost time to close and I had a book due back. We get there and its packed obviously something is going on and baby just passed out finally (pretty fussy all day) so I say Iím just gonna run back ill see if you have any books in give me your wallet. He does but he says ďyouíll have to tell me whatís going on in there find out okay?Ē I hop out grab the tote bag of books and go in I check his books I check in our books I order a book then walk out and there is my husband at the end of the crowed that is watching what turned out to be a group of carolers of some sort putting on a show in the big open space/common room thing thatís in the entry of the library here..
Seeing my husband I instantly go.. Where the baby? He does that idonno sound guys make that is like nails on a chalk board to me itís like would it kill you to separate your words and not grunt at me? Immediately defensive he goes why would I know where he is I thought you had him.. CLICK my baby is left in the freaking car so Iím freaking out he says Iím overacting Iím chewing him out the whole way to the car just repeating you left my 4 week old baby in the car you.. you left him? Get to the car he is fine sound asleep car is still warm from the heater and all..
I just canít believe that happened.. I know our main marital probublumb is communication but Iím not sure how I can help? It seems that itís honestly.. Mostly my husband not listening not talking not asking.. He threw away all the car insurance info the other day too Ö after bringing it in from the car because I said ďplease brings up everythingĒ when he asked what I wanted brought up out of the car.. I thought he was being a brat because he actually reached in the glove box and got the manila envelope I keep it all in out and brought it up too even the cigarette lighter thing..
Then I was trying to clean and he kept coming with stuff going ďwhat do I do with this?Ē and it was like ummh. Itís a crumpled piece of paper what do you think? He would uncromple it be like ummh.. Its an add for furniture so? Do you like have a file for it in the file cabinet? .. . Iíts like fine ill just do it myself but I think thatís what he wants.. I donno Iím pretty frustrated..
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by sanderson0705 on Fri Nov 14, 2008 12:55 pm

Wow. I don't know what it is with guys not realizing that, uh yeah, you can't leave your baby in the car duh. Suspect

The communication thing is hard. Michael gets after me because I don't communicate, and its not that I don't, its that I don't involve him in everything. If I make arrangements to pick up the kids differently, I just don't find it something that he needs to know all the time. I dunno, he's right to a degree, we are a family and decisions should be made that way, but come on, I did EVERYTHING for years, its hard to get out of that habbit.

But the literally everything thing, that is childish. I would have been like, seriously, WTF did you go to jr. high? lol Sorry chica Rolling Eyes Very Happy
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by mythreesons on Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:03 pm

I swear that men do things like that so they don't get asked to do things again...Glad to hear that everything turned out ok with Kit in the car!

Last night ODS was helping me fold laundry.I figured , hey if he wants to help then I'll let him.He was behaving beautifully and put away his clothes and was listening to me very well...I thought to myself, wow what a wonderful day this is turning into!10 minutes later DS#2 starts screaming from their bedroom and crying.I hear ODS yelling at him that he shouldn't have run his face into the truck...Sigh...DS#2 comes out with his right eye almost swollen shut and a scratch that starts at the very corner of his eye and leads away maybe an inch or so...They have a toy tractor trailer(like the one that you see driving that holds all the cars on the way to dealerships) and apparently ODS swung it and hit DS#2 in the face with it, then tried to blame him for running his face into it...Um, hello?!Not a great night...Stupid me for thinking we'd have 1 normal night around here...I thought DS#2 would have a black eye today but we must've put enough heat and ice last night because it's not even swollen...Little scratch still tho...
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Guest on Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:21 pm

Oh wow Jessi I would've beat him.... And I too know the whole scenario of a hubby purposely screwing up on purpose when I ask him to do something makes me so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by rocknrollmommy616 on Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:02 pm

WOW! That is sooo scary! I would have beat him with a baseball bat! I hate to make the situation worse, but... who just leaves their kid in the car to go check out carolers? Man, I really hope he has learned his lesson though, what would have happened if it had been the middle of summer and super hot outside? What if you hadn't been with him? That's not something I would, personally, let my husband live down. Evil or Very Mad
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Kim on Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:35 pm

ummm yeah, he deserves a slap upside the head!!! How did he not know he had Kit...he saw you get out of the car with the bag of books...obviously you weren't carrying a huge infant carrier, so that would mean the baby is with you...idiot!!!
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by mythreesons on Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:51 pm

My man philosophy of the day:They only have enough blood to run one head at a time, and when they are vertical the blood all goes to the one in their pants...Sorry to be crude, but seriously who hasn't looked at their spouse at one time or other and wonder if they have a brain?
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by tweetie462 on Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:58 pm

I second that Shannon! And Jessi - smack him upside the head for being an idiot! Smile
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by mythreesons on Fri Nov 14, 2008 5:36 pm

Ooh yeah I second Elise and I think Kim said the same thing...Smack that man upside his head, that way he won't think your being to subtle on making a point!
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by jessijennings on Sat Nov 15, 2008 3:11 pm

blah im the one getting up feeding him every three hours but my husband is the one who is SOOOO tired he just cant manage to exist without coming home and taking a nap.. got up at five am this morning instead of six with the baby who was screaming.

Let me set this up the baby's co sleeper is in the living room because its warmer in there and i don't hear every little chirp he makes but i can easily hear him cry.. that is in one corner the corner next to it is the desk facing the wall with the computer set up on it and guess who i find gaming with headphones on at five am with a screaming baby behind him that he cant hear because of the head phones?

mr .. i'm sooo tired hun can you just let me sleep tonight i know you need help but im working so hard and i have to fly in a plane and all it might be unsafe for me to not get some sleep... ooh damn is he in it
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Guest on Sat Nov 15, 2008 3:25 pm

Jessi I hear you on the DH not being much help...mine is the same way exactly I get up with the baby all night long and feed him and even mostly during the day also except maybe if my hubby feeds him twice in a day and yet my hubby has the need that during the day he takes naps not every day but on some days... only difference is ur hubby is employed mine is not... he's looking for work but Michigan is a hard place to find it I guess and When he decides that he needs a nap all I am thinking (and I tend to normally say this to him too) is why the heck do you need a nap when I am the one who gets up with Jeremiah all night long every 2-3 hours to feed and change him and then I am the one who gets up with Elijah at 7 am(mind you after getting to bed at like midnight sometimes later) to get him to school.....Men... they have no idea how hard it is to be a woman sometimes..especially when it is expected that we be superwoman coupled with sleep deprivation. Mad

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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Kim on Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:53 pm

Jessi- seriously, you just need to give him a good swift kick in the balls.

I feel so bad for you guys, I may bitch about my DH occasionally, but usually that is just because I have a bur up my butt...if my DH didn't help as much as he does I would seriously loose my mind. He works 10 hour days...and usually gets up and makes the bottles for me in the middle of the night, I feed her...but when he has the day off the next day, those nights he lets me sleep and does it all. He is so interactive in the care of both my girls. I have to go to an overnight training the first week of December and although I am sad to not be home, I know they will be perfectly fine with him. I would not be able to handle nor do I think any of you should have to, caring for our little ones alone...I deffinitly think that some communication of what is expected from them needs to occur with those of your hubbies that aren't lifting a finger.
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by tweetie462 on Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:29 pm

i totally agree with Kim -- i might complain at times too about DH, but he does A LOT to help me with the kids...he's really a great hands-on dad.

Seriously - for those who have DHs that are less than helpful, sit them down and try talking to them about it see if it helps!
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by mythreesons on Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:01 pm

My DH is very helpful for the amount olf time he is home...He works seriously about 80 hours a week, so I don't ask for much help...I'd rather have him get enough sleep so he doesnt crash his car...But at times I joke about being a single mom of 3, it's kinda true...
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by jessijennings on Sun Nov 16, 2008 1:15 pm

Well I tried talking to him and it was a nightmare but I see things a little clearer now.. He creates drama.
Last night we were talking things got heated he said Iím gonna take a time out and left.. Didnít come back till nine this morning..


Use to I would have gone crazy with worry but I didnít even care. I knew he was fine and just being a jerk he was over at one of his friends probably doing something fun.

When he got back at nine this morning it was because he was ringing the door bell like crazy. I get so mad when he does that hello sleeping baby? But he said I ďlocked him outĒ well we are house sitting for friends right now who have a spare set of our house keys hanging by the door . They never lock their house either so even if it wasnít true that he took a set of keys he could have just walked over there. They only live like a block away and turns out he slept over there last night anyway though he says ďhe canít sleep over there where is he suppose to?Ē This coming from the man that falls asleep in the bath tub on our sofa every chance he gets and recently has added laying on the floor while Iím breast feeding in a huge dramatic no I should be awake when you are but then is sprawled out on the freaking floor asleep and I have to try to walk over him to get to the babyís room to put him down after he falls asleep..
I got mad I told him there is no reason he couldnít come home he knows we keep spare keys at their house (ďhe forgotĒ) and We keep them over there specifically so that he canít say I lock him out it is not my job to keep up with his keys or be here to let him in because he canít keep up with them..
So he goes and picks the baby up out of his crib and is like oh heís fussing I think he is hunger.. I had fed him not even 30 min before the baby eats at 3-6-9-12-repeat so itís not really hard to know when he ate last you know? So I go to bed before I know it the baby is screaming I can only assume he woke him up and yeah now he wanted fed now he was awake that means itís time to eat. I try to get him to give me the baby and heís like no no I donít think heís hunger I can handle it..
Jerk keeps the baby he screams I leak and hurt takes me half an hour to convince him to give me the baby then I start feeding him and he instantly is happy falls asleep and I go to take a shower and DH is all
ďI guess I just suck, I canít do anything right Iím just a bad husband and fatherĒ normally this would get me I would be all ooh its okay no itís just.. whatever but it clicked he created all this drama on me I have to go get a shower instead of sleeping and that rat is going to listen to my reassurances then go oh okay I guess your right and crawl in bed and sleep all day.
BTW he didnít remember to take his house keys but he grabbed his dungeon and dragon books and spent all night writing out a new game he plans to play with his friends.. Besides that being geeky beyond reason and yes I played too.. In high school when I was 15.. He stayed up ALL night to write a game to be played ALL dayÖ
Iím so glad he left itís hard to be cooing at the baby and happy then then have to switch to cold shoulder when Andy walks in the room .. and if I donít give him the cold shoulder he just goes on like nothing happened okay cool were happy again right huh? And starts bugging me for .. things .. like he actually asked this morning when he got back if I was in the mood and since I canít have sex yet he means am I in the mood to give him a blow jobÖ this with milk all down my front and Iím tired!
Iím thinking about going to my momís for awhile I would have to cancel appointments though Iím trying to decide if itís worth it to get away from him for awhile.. I think we just need some time apart..
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Kim on Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:59 am

Jessi- you guys deffinitly need something...counseling at least, and I honestly think a temporary separtion with counseling would be beneficial...if he won't go, you need to by yourself...you seriously owe it to yourself and to your son...please don't keep putting up with his shit.
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by PolloLoco75 on Mon Nov 17, 2008 10:08 am

Yeah it seems his behavior is completely unacceptable. Life is no longer all about him. A separation with some counseling sounds like your best option. You dont need to be stressing yourself out over this when you are sleep deprived and trying to take care of a newborn. I know I complain about my DH too but he is the biggest help imaginable. In fact almost too much help.Even though he is back to work we switch off on the night shift every other night. I dont know how I would survive without that. I would have beat the crap out of my DH (verbally mostly and a bit physically) if he left the baby in the car. NO EXCUSE for that one! If he could be trusted I would pump a few bottles and leave the baby with him to take care of and go to the movies or grocery shopping by yourself. Let him experience what you go through all day long. I just dont know that he could be trusted to not neglect the baby. Oh girl I feel for you. Big hugs go out to you. Just remember Kit's welfare is the most important thing right now. Your DH needs to know that too.
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by mnelson80 on Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:13 pm

Errr... I'm so sorry your going through this. Especially as a FTM. I knew it was going to happen here so at least I was prepared for it. Seriously though, if you need some time away (pardon my language but) screw the appointments, go to your moms. She'll be more than willing to help you out a little you can get some sleep, some help and try to regroup. All the while he can he seeing what it's like to have his family gone. I'd give that some serious thought.

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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by jessijennings on Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:41 pm

Lol we are in counseling its just like one day a week he goes jerk on me.. he jut stayed up all night and cleaned the house though.. granted he is having a huge dnd game today and all but still I have a clean house that I didnít have to do.. its just the whole topsy tervy of it he will be so nice then boom my nice hubbys gone and jekle is here to pee on my ice cream its like what is wrong?

I think part of it is the new expansion for world of warcraft came out and he gave up that game .. mostly under diress but he did say he would quit when the baby was born so he is very resentful at me and i think him too some degree that he is not playing the game everyone at work and all of his friends are talking about
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Kim on Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:52 pm

it almost sounds like his gaming is an addiction, which obviously is a real problem...and I say addiction, because his playing and planning and obsession with the game interfers with your day to day functions as a family....have you talked to the counselor about that?
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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by Guest on Mon Nov 17, 2008 8:34 pm

In all honesty Jessi although my hubby is lacking in areas just like yours you may have to consider what some of the girls are saying...although its kinda bad for me it seems way way worse on your end...esp the whole bit about Kit being left in car along side all this stuff too that you are dealing with. You don't deserve it at all maybe just a long visit at your mothers would wake him up a little bit....maybe...I got fingers crossed for you and will keep you in prayers. I know it rough for me at times but I am a well seasoned mom, you are going through all this on a first time basis and it is not fair for you.

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Re: so.. vent n stuff

Post by rocknrollmommy616 on Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:42 pm

Jessi - I REALLY hate to say this, but it sounds to me like he wasn't really ready to man up for this baby. He seems like he's really jealous and just buggy and stuff. Then he is being childish about video games? Okay, I'll admit, I am totally sad that I don't have the time or money to get a PS3 and play the new GTA4, but I'm not sulking or treating my fiancee like crap cuz I'm a crabby patty. There are times when I want to put the baby down and take a go at San Andreas or pull out my N64 and play Zelda, but you know what? There is a baby that needs me and I know that my fiancee cannot always do everything for himself when its just him and the baby. My thing is, he sees you need help, but he does nothing. But when you know what to do to make the baby feel better, he seems to think he has the solution, when clearly he does not. I think maybe he is trying to prove to you and himself that he is not completely useless but for bringing in the money. I know sometimes Cory(DF) likes to try to calm the baby down on his own. But sometimes it takes two people to calm down Joey! Because sometimes you run out of ideas and need another person's ideas to add to yours. Anyways, he seems like he kind of resents the baby for taking all of your attention, and then goes and sulks. Also, do you think his excessive sleeping could be linked to depression? You know, men can have something similar to postpartum depression. I mean, what does your counselor say about all of this when you guys talk to him/her?
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