The Sexy Time Lows..

ok omg... i am not saying ur relationship should be all about sex. how stupid do u guys take me for? but it should be part of the relationship. i know i'd be pissy if i didnt get some every now and again. i guess im the only one here who really enjoys sex like the boys do. i know i am young, but i dunno, i just think sex should be part of the relationship. it's not all JUST about feeling yknow. that's just me i guess.

Bekah- not to be a bitch but yea, your probably not getting it because you are young, most of us have been there done that. Ask my Dh and he will tell you I am a nymph...but in a relationship, and marriage, there is more to the sex than just the physical aspects of it...and having sex or not having sex is not going to keep your relationship going or make it fall apart...and no one is saying that sex shouldn't be a part of a relationship, but it shouldn't be used as a barganing chip or a chore that must be done because someone's needs need to be fullfilled....those here that are struggling to have an intimate relationship with thier SO are struggling because they don't want just that wam bam thank you mam...they want that deeper connection, but things obviously need to be worked out in the other parts of their relationships to get to were everything meshes together again, if one part is out of wack, the sex, communication, respect, intimacy, finances, sleep...ect, it often throws everything off.

TRUE DAT KIM!!

I know what you mean Bekah.. Part of SO's problem is that before we had DD I was CRAZY into sex.. everyday, multiple times. And now he feels all gipped because I'm not like that anymore. But like Kim said, what he doesn't realize is although it wouldn't be quite like that anymore (I dont have that kind of time) It could be way better if I felt that connection. I'm so emotionally checked out of my relationship that it's hard to put on a front for good sex..KWIM?

Ok so now that I have complained about my husband I have to praise him. Maybe he was listening to me after all. I was just sitting here working away when I got a doz roses with chocolates and a card that made me cry. OK - so he is doing better. That and he said he loved me when I called to thank him. I think we have both just been a bit stressed with our works, a sick baby and our relationship has been taking the brunt of it. I am now looking forward to our date tomorrow night. Hopefully Nate is healthy enough for us to go out.

YAY! Amy.. It feels so good when those little things can turn around. I'm glad. Now hopefully Nate can start feeling better too!

i wanted to clear up some assumptions about what I said previously, or even just clear up some things I might have said and meant differently.

I DO NOT advocate using sex as a way to keep someone around. I recently had a girlfriend whose fiancee left her b/c she hadn't been giving him sex for over 8 months and he happens to be a VERY sexual person, so if she wanted to keep HIM she needed to have sex with him at least once or twice a week, because that's just how he is. I am sorry if I said anything about that, it had been a very recent topic of discussion with this friend and myself and it in no way has anything to do with the current subject at hand, so I am sorry i even said anything about that and you can forget it being said.

That having been said, I do still think it takes a little bit of sex to keep a relationship from going completely under. It is a very vicious cycle. the, "I don't get sex, so she won't get (insert missing part of relationship here)" and you think, "Well I don't get what I want, so he can't have sex." Or whatever the cycle may contain. I think in some cases, husbands DO need to be more proactive. I mean, check this out: my H comes home from work and STILL helps around the house, especially b/c i have been sick! But he also knows i have been at home with the baby all day and I don't get any state mandated 15 minute breaks or a lunch break. so he takes joey for a while. So maybe it's b/c my husband does so much for me that i stick up for his side. But no one man is alike, so i can't expect you guys to completely understand my side. Anyways, i can't expect every relationship to be like mine.

But you and your DH's should try reading a book called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. It is for both sexes, so maybe it will help you guys understand what you both need. Anyways, i'm sorry im a jerk and completely not understanding. I don't think everyone should have to have sex to keep their husbands sorry.

I used to be crazy into sex all the time everyday sometimes even multiple time on some days but you know 3 kids later I don't have the time or energy to be constantly focused or dreaming about sex(where as a guy they are always focused on sex or sexual thoughts most always no matter what else may be going on). There are so much more things now that have to be done and more things(and people) to be taken care of so my mind is not consumed with sex like it used to be. And DH always compares that to the now with us I have explained it to him like I just did her but he doesn't understand it really he thinks that I am just "used to sex" now and thats where my lack of interest comes from but that is totally not the case and its not that I am sexually dysfunctional either its just you know as responsibilities come along that leaves less time for previously frequent times of dtd.

Bekah- You are not a jerk.BIG HUGS TO YOU. Don't take it as anyone is thinking you are. You are right though your hubby seems to pick up slack for you as some of our hubbys lack in that area. I think the confusion here is that its hard for us to understand what the other speaks of when our situation is quite different and we don't have the same issues or perks in our relationships because we are all different and so our the dh's.

I am sure eventually a hubby has to get it or they may think of leaving their wife but I think also that the hubby needs to meet in the middle with his wife on things if he intends for her to be receptive to his advances of sex. Because we are wired by actions and emotional things and men tend to be wired on the physical end of things. Which is totally why we tend to conflict sometimes but if a man expects things he should be willing to give on his end and not just sexually either.

Just wanted to put my two senses in on the debate here. I work with a lot of men and the number one complaint is no sex at home and when digging deeper in conversation it boils down to feeling wanted. men need sex to feel wanted most anyways. not saying 3 times a day but if it has been a week or two and I am not in the mood I can allow him to get me there if you get my drift. I feel like not obligated but want to for him. However I am like bekah my hubby carries his own weight and then some; he does all the cooking, and cares for the kids in the mornings and when I am at work.

For me personally when I am never in the mood it is usually because there is some divide or emotional issue going on with my hubby. Do some of you think that might have something to do with it? I talk it out with my husband but in my relationship my husband ahs the lower sex drive than me so our problem there is reversed a lot. I have to say it is hard being turned down all the time it hurts my self esteem and feelings and makes me wonder if he just isn't attracted to me. The men friends I have say the same thing too. I think the answer to this is to be mindful of the other and realize it is more to them than just getting it on.

*points to eileen's post* THAT is what i was trying to say!

My DH also does alot of things around the house.I have problems going up and down stairs due to a bad knee that I was supposed to have surgery on but haven't had it yet.So I'm lucky to make it up or down stairs by myself but to try and carry stuff(such as laundry baskets)can be very difficult for me...So if he brings down the laundry for me, I throw it in the wash and then then thr dryer and he brings the baskets back up for me... Anyway, I agree that sometimes there's emotional issues and that's why I'm not always interested in sex.However, I was always interested in sex prior to having Lucas. I'm beginning to wonder if it has something to do with my Mirena or the hormones that my body produces from breastfeeding. But alot of times it bolis down to DH just wanting sex at really inappropriate times...Exaample-on Saturday morning, I was running around getting gas and prescriptions filled and clothes packed and kids dressed etc.I was in Luc's bedroom changing him and DH comes in and starts grinding on my butt...Seriously?! Not NOW!!! And I kiss him and tell him that we should wait until we get back as we were on a schedule! Ten minutes later I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and he comes in and does it again...I did explain to him that while I know he loves my breasts, that since right now I feed Luc with them, they don't turn me on while being played with.It can basically kill my mood completely when he does that so Saturday night he was carefull not to play with them...LOL..So sometimes for me its just that it's really bad timing...

I agree Shannon sometimes it is that way for me also.Like in the middle of dishes r dinner and he comes up feely touchy and it gets nerve racking to me and I have been upfront with him about it...